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Movie Reviews!

Check out the killer film clip art.
Awesome.

Right. I've seen several movies over the last couple weeks and I thought this would be a good time to review them. Like, Movie Reviews, y'know? OK.

Cloverfield - Sucked. Crappy story, one hot girl, annoying 'satellite monsters', NYC, vertigo. Crap-o-la.
There Will Be Blood - Awesome. Seriously. An authentic time machine. DDL is a frightening genius. See it or I hate you.
No Country For Old Men - Holy shit. Did I just see that? Cold, distant and subtle. Cool weapon, bad hair, and the stapler guy from Office Space.
Teeth - Wow. This was surprisingly excellent. Touching, hilarious, very well-written. A coming-of-age story with bite. This will be big.
Mighty Aphrodite - Woody Allen being himself, I'm told. Cute. Cool use of Greek Chorus. Mira is charming as hell. Ha, Michael Rapaport.
Paprika - Anime set on 'stun'. Color overload, great story, freakish characters, elegantly spastic soundtrack. Made me want to be a cartoon.
Shrooms - Yes, they named the movie Shrooms. 6 kids in the woods on mushroom. Murders, blood, an evil priest, locals. A 'surprise' ending, of course.

The GOP is Down To Three

Interesting few days in the GOP election saga.

Fred Thompson - OUT OF THE RACE
Huckabee - OUT OF MONEY
Giuliani - ALL BUT IRRELEVENT

So that leaves three.

- Romney
- McCain
- Ron Paul

While this will most likely boil down to two-man race, the brilliant persistence of Ron Paul will prove to be a spoiler by taking critical votes from both Romney and McCain. Indeed, Paul could play the Nader of the GOP wielding just enough influence to tip the scales for one candidate. And in this instance, he will most likely siphon off just enough of McCain's support to nudge the scales toward Mitt.

Which is great, of course, because Romney is loathed almost as much a Hillary. Obama will crush him.

But, dammit... I'd eat poison glass to see Paul in the White House.

Can we make her, uh, like, whiter?

Ha. I was hoping to catch this ad again. I saw this when checking my Yahoo email. She looks like a nice girl, right? Sparkling eyes, nice teeth and... wait, did she get a weird tan or something?

In a clumsy effort to temper the overt ethnicity of the model, Yahoo decided she needed a Michael Jackson skin treatment. Take a closer look and you can see that the Photoshop-wielding intern rushed the whitewashing of a Yahoo model giving her a reverse raccoon look.

The Ron Paul Hug - Exclusive Interview

And now an exclusive interview with the nearly-famous Ron Paul Hug Guy, Michael 'Coola' Halford.

Most Ron Paul fans have seen the short video of an excited fan lay a huge, long hug on the Dr. after Meet the Press a few weeks ago.

Fortunately, he's a friend of mine and was good enough to grant me an interview explaining the mechanics of the Hug Heard 'Round the World.

DOWNLOAD .MOV


PS: Shut the fuck up, Giuliani.

...and there it is!

I've been waiting for something big from Huckleberry for a couple months now. His campaign has been ratcheting up towards greater and greater political blunders and religiously-rooted foot-shots and it was only a matter of time before he jumped the cross. While uncomfortable, I didn't feel the need to say anything.

But now, I feel comfortable calling him out. Because, seriously, this is where I say "Hold the fuck on, asshole. Are you fucking kidding me?"

I lifted this from the good folks at Raw Story.

"I have opponents in this race who do not want to change the Constitution," Huckabee told a Michigan audience on Monday. "But I believe it's a lot easier to change the Constitution than it would be to change the word of the living god. And that's what we need to do -- to amend the Constitution so it's in God's standards rather than try to change God's standards so it lines up with some contemporary view."

Although I will give him credit for stating his true beliefs and basing his campaign on what he thinks is 'right', this is the kind of Christian arrogance that scares the crap out of me. Schmuckabee (zing!) is winning fucking votes. And this is the worst part, of course. That, taking a rough average, means 40 million or so people are OK with this stance, in general.

The Constitution was created to protect us from religious zealots like Huck.

VIDEO

The First Saturday in May -- Hennegan Brothers

I would like to take this opportunity to respectfully promote a film has emerged as one of the best sports documentaries of the last several years - The First Saturday in May.

This up-close-and-personal coverage of the world-famous Kentucky Derby takes you not only behind the scenes of the mechanics of the race but into the hearts and minds of the people that make the Derby one of the most thrilling sporting events in the world.

Two good friends have busted their asses to create a damn compelling film. I don't know jack-diddly about horse racing but I found myself engrossed in the excitement, pageantry and love that goes into the Derby.

Winner - Best Documentary, Savannah Film Festival
Winner - Jury Award, Austin Film Festival
"Riveting...compelling and expertly paced." Washington Post
"Engrossing...three stars (out of four)." Sports Illustrated.

So, do yourself a favor and spend some quality time in the dark with some popcorn and million-dollar horses. Hop on the site and see if the movie is playing in your area.

http://www.thefirstsaturdayinmay.com

Shut the fuck up, Giuliani - Part II

"The reality is, if you look at me, September 11 — the funerals, the memorial services — there were times in which it was impossible not to feel the emotion."

Shut the fuck up. Seriously.

This is embarrassing sickly comedic Tourettes-ish blathering has all the bells and whistles of well-managed dementia. Rudy has nothing but fear to bring to the office of President. Rudimentary, gut-level, lizard-brain, simplistic... fetishistic.

Rudy's got a couple Fleshlights he calls his Twin Towers of Lovin'.

Why Hillary Will Lose

As part of my ongoing, half-assed and lackadaisical coverage of the 2008 Presidential Elections, I would like to explain why Hillary Clinton's campaign is doomed.

She is despised.

Meaning, I have seen the word 'despise' associated with her and her campaign in dozens of articles, reviews and the like. Despise. That is a pretty strong word and reflects the deep polarization that she represents as a candidate. Even 'hate' would be a better word than despise as despise has a intensely personal feel to it. You can hate someone's policies and beliefs, but you despise a person on a very personal level.

There are a lot of people out there that simply DESPISE her. And no amount of campaigning and hand-shaking is going to change that.

Shut the fuck up, Giuliani.

"I am the only one here who has had to face an Islamic terrorist attack. I was right at the center of it," said the former New York City mayor of his leadership on 9/11, "and it gives a good indication that I know how to handle what the terrorist will be throwing at us... As the mayor of New York I have been involved in one way or another with just about every single foreign policy issue."

Huffington Post

Craigslist - Women Seeking Men